Humor will help you transform a bad day, cheer you up and keep you going. That’s one reason we love these funny quotes and wanted to pick some for you.
We hope you enjoy, smile, love and share these funny quotes.
A Full List of Funny Travel Quotes
Let’s start this list of funny travel quotes with a quote Matt likes to use.
1. “Forget champagne and caviar – Taste the world instead!”– Hostelgeeks
2. Me: “I want to travel more”, the bank account: “”Like, to the park?”
3. “I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
4. “Men to the left because woman are always right”.”
5. “The journey, not the arrival, matters.”– T. S. Eliot
6. “Once a year, go somewhere you’ve never been before.”– The Dalai Lama
7. It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!
8. “Have a fun(tache)tic day!.”
9. “Most things in life people are worried about, never happen anyway!.”
10. “Never stop doing things for the first time.”
11. “I can’t control the wind but I can adjust the sail.”– Ricky Skaggs
12. “A journey is measured in friends rather than miles.”– Tim Cahill
13. “Do not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson
14. “Laugh more, worry less!”
15. “I want to make memories all over the world.”
16. “If you are upset just think about a T-Rex trying to drink a Martini.”
17. “Don’t be a tourist, be a traveler.”
18. “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”
19. “If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal.”– Paulo Coelho
20. “Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a tan, fall in love, never return.”– Anonymous
21. “I’m in love with places I’ve never been to.”
22. “Free Boobs! Just kidding – Free Fruit!”– by Swanky Hostel, the 5 Star Hostel in Zagreb.
22. “When life knocks you down, roll over and look at the stars.”
23. “If you don’t belong, don’t be too long.”
24. “I need vitamin SEA.”
25.“The people who made you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people.”
26. “People don’t take trips. . . trips take people.”– John Steinbeck
27. “Make salsa, not war!”
28. “I hate traveling, no traveler ever said”
29. “Don’t look for love. Look for good coffee!”
30. You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…
31. Life goal: Create a life that people assume you have anyway based on your instagram account!
32. “I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”– Caskie Stinnett
33. There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.
34. If traveling was free, BYE!
35. “I’ve got 99 problems. But I am on vacation and I am ignoring them all!”
36. “Worst thing about being a tourist, is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”– Russell Baker
37. “And then I went to the Sangria Familia…!”
38. “Jet Lag is for Amateurs”
39. “Work hard, travel harder”
40. I will conquer the world. Like, from here to the post box.
41. If travel would be free, you would never see me again. But it isn’t, so….what do we do tonight?
42. Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.– George Carlin
43. If you are going through hell, keep going.– Winston Churchill
44. A change of latitude would help my attitude.
45. Suitcases are for princesses!
46. “The best things in life are free. The 2nd best things are super expensive!”
47. “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.”– Susan Sontag
48.Reality called, so I hung up.
49.Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You Too? I thought I was the only one.”
50.Kinda classy, kinda hood.
51. I need a vacation of 6 months. Twice a year!
52. I changed my password to incorrect. So whenever I forget my password, the login tells me, the password is incorrect.
53. Whenever you feel sad, remember, that somewhere in the world there is a guy pulling a door that says push.
54. All I want in life is pancakes!
55. “Live with no excuses and travel with no regrets.”
56. “The gladdest moment in human life, me thinks, is a departure into unknown lands.”
57. “Every day can be an adventure.”- Hostelgeeks
58. Stuck somewhere between “I need to save” and “you only live once”.
59. Friend: Let’s go to Bora Bora. Me: Man, I wanna go, but I’m pora pora.
60. My favourite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.
61. When you’re trying to save money for a house, but end up with a one-way ticket to some tropical island.
62. Me before vacation: “I’m going to be responsible with my money. This is a low budget trip. I’m gonna stay in a hostel and everything.”Me on vacation: *orders fancy drinks, rides a jetski, goes skydiving, buys souvenirs for the uncle’s new girlfriend and adopts an alpaca.*
63. I need a reasonably paid job. Something like $2000 an hour. Nothing too wild…
64. Me: “I want to travel more”, the bank account: “Like, to the park?”
65. If traveling was free, BYE!
66. I wish that road trips could pay my bills.
67. At the end of the day…I’d rather like to have a lot of stories to tell, than a full bank account.
68. I wish I was a postcard. For under $2 you can travel the world to any location in the world.
69. Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally book another flight?
70. I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.
71, Backpacking is money spent on Education.
72. Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new year on a clean slate.
73. How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel.
74. I love when people say “just quit your job and travel.” Taking an Uber from the bar to my home is the only travel I can afford.
75. Go to work. Open computer. Scroll for plane tickets for 6 hours. Close computer. Go home.
76. I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!
77. Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
78. Yeah, working is great…but have you tried travelling.
79. There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.
80. Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito.
81. Ironing boards are surfboards that gave up their dreams and got a boring job. Don’t be an ironing board.
82. Life is short. Call in sick and book that last minute flight.
83. I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere.
84. I googled my symptoms. Turns out I just needed to go on a vacay.
85. I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach.
86. Everyone is pregnant, engaged or getting married. I just wanna lose weight and travel.
87. Forget champagne and caviar – Taste the world instead
88. I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine
89. I just want to travel the world, overspend at IKEA and drink coffee while cuddling puppies.
90. Friend 1: I’m getting a house. Friend 2: I’m having a baby. Friend 3: I’m getting married Me: I’m headed to the airport.
91. People having babies…and I’m like: What country am I going to next?
92. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just want a paycheck to buy plane tickets.
93. I don’t want a house. I just want to travel and pet a lot of dogs.
94. Screw the caviar, I want to travel the world!
95. Reality called, so I hung up.
96. I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year.
97. I’m a travel addict on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport.
98. I’ve got 99 problems. But I’m on vacation so I’m ignoring them all!
99. “You can’t buy happiness” Okay, explain travel then…
100. It’s bad manners to keep a vacation waiting.
101. Travsessed (n.) An obsession with travel. When all you talk or think about is your past or future trips
102. Good things come to those, who book flights.
103. I heard an airplane passing overhead. I wished I was on it.
104. Tripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any travel trips currently booked.
105. You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy plane tickets, which is kind of the same thing.
106. Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas and take your next trip in kilometers.
107. A coconut a day keeps the doctor away.
108. “Be strong”, I whisper to my WiFi signal
109. Jetlag is for amateurs
110. My parents complain I travel too much. I mean, I could be a drug addict, do they realize how lucky they are?
111. A plane ticket is the answer. Who cares what the question is.
112. Don’t speak the language. Already said 3 times “what”. Now just smile and nod and hope for the best.
113. Me travelling. Person: “Un Cafe?” Me: “Oui” Person: “Sucre” Me: “Non” Person: “You speak very good french” Me: “Gracias”
114. You’ve never felt true fear until your passport isn’t where you think you left it.
115. Have you ever stopped to think, maybe travel is addicted to me?
116. Education is important. But travel is importanter!
117. If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise.
118. Me thinking about how many flights I can book for the cost of a new iPhone 11 Pro.
119. Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland.
120. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going. Are you coming with me?
121. That moment when you’re asked where you got something and you answer with the name of the country, not the name of the store.
122. Travelling is like a chocolate box. Don’t matter what you get. All is good.
123. Girls don’t wait for the prince anymore, they pack and travel the world.
124. All you need is love a passport.
125. I followed my heart and it led me to the airport.
126. If you had to choose between true love or travelling the world, which country would you visit first?
127. All I want for Christmas is you forever vacation.
128. Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they clap their hands when the plane lands.
129. Some people spend their life searching for “the one”. I’m just searching for the one good travel deal.
130. I’ve got a crush on the world.
131. I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel magazine!
132. Birds literally just eat, travel, and shit on things they don’t like. I don’t know about you, but that’s the lifestyle I’m striving for.
133. By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always travelling & comes to family events tipsy.
134. High five if you don’t know what you’re doing with your life and just want to travel the world.
135. I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories.
136. Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas.
137. Be afraid. And do it anyway.
138. Can we just skip to the part in my life where I travel the world?
139. I just need a large coffee, a plane ticket and a bag full of cash.
140. Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you.
141. I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon.
142. Live a life you don’t need a vacation from.
143. Work hard. Travel harder.
144. I need a holiday. And by “holiday” I mean I need to move away and find a job. On the beach. With cocktails.
145. The temptation to go to the airport, buy a one-way ticket, leave the country and live on my own has never been so real.
146. Ladies, imagine this. It’s 15 years from now, and you have no kids. You’re the cool wine aunt that occasionally comes back to the country for a brief visit before leaving for another long exotic vacation. You have no commitments, and a suspicious amount of money.
147. Packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip. Unpacks 3 months after coming home.
148. Going on a trip. Need about 5 outfits. I’ve packed 35 just to be safe.
149. Me: triple checked packing list Also me: *forgets underwear, contact solution, and favourite chapstick*.
150. Watches Netflix happily. Remembers you need to pack. Watches Netflix stressfully.
151. Me: I’m not going to overpack this time. Inner me: I need this. I will need that as well. I need everything.
152. Procrastapacking (n.) the act of thinking about packing a suitcase instead of actually doing it.
153. Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.
154. I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3 day vacation. Just in case.
156. So, do I live out of a suitcase for the next month? Do I unpack just to repack again? Do I put my toothbrush back in the bathroom? I’m a visitor in my own house what the heck.
157. My favourite thing to pack on trips are all the clothes I never wear at home and then find fun, flirty and exciting ways to not wear them while I’m away.
158. Normal life: Wears the same top every day for a week. Packing for 3-day vacation: I’ll probably change a few times a day so I’ll take 21 tops.
159. I have been to almost as many places as my luggage.
160. Me getting ready for vacation: manicure and pedicure, buy new Sephora products, spray tan, get waxed, get hair done, work out for a month, live off kale and veggies, try on 30K swimsuits and cry in dressing rooms. Husband getting ready for vacation: packs a bathing suit, flip-flops, a T-shirt, and calls it a day.
161. Running to the gate is my cardio.
162. Airports: the only place where drinking 8 AM is socially acceptable.
163. The airport is a lawless place. 7 am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost 17$.
164. A passport holder sounds like a great idea until you get to the airport and have to remove it 4 billion times.
165. Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you walk through “nothing to declare” at the airport.
166. I love those days when my only decision is window or aisle.
167. “Be right back…” Just running away from Monday and going straight to the airport.
168. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need a trip.
169. Vacation calories don’t count, right?
170. What’s that medical condition called where you constantly need to have a trip booked?
171. Should I book another flight to go abroad? Brain: no. Wallet: no. Mom: no. Dog: no. Universe: no…I think I’m gonna book the flight.
172. You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a plane ticket.
173. TIP: You won’t get the holiday blues if you just keep booking holidays.
174. You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…
175. In desperate need of a full body massage, 4 days of sleep and a ticket to the Bahamas.
176. Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 shots of vodka, or 2 months of travel.
177. Travitude (n.) when you start to feel grumpy and sassy because you haven’t travelled in a while.
178. My mom watches a special type of news program that only reports on horrible incidents happening in places I’m about to visit.
179. “The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” – Russell Baker
180. “On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.” – Lewis Grizzard
181. “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.” – Steve Martin
182. “”I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.” –Bob Hope
183. “”Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.” – Dave Barry
184. “Two great talkers will not travel far together.” – Spanish Proverb
185. “When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.” – Unknown
186. “Las Vegas is sort of how God would do it if he had money.” – Steve Wynn
187. “Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs.”–Susan Sontag
188. “Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” – Mark Twain
189. “You and I come by road or rail, but economists travel on infrastructure.” – Margaret Thatcher
190. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” – Henry David Thoreau
191. “You want to know what it’s like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don’t stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.” –Lewis Black
192. “Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.” – Al Bolisk
193. “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” – Andre Guide
194. “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them”. –Mark Twain
195. “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” – Britney Spears
196. “In America, there are two classes of travel— first class, and with children.” –Robert Benchley
197. “I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.” – Hilaire Belloc
198. “Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.” – Elizabeth Drew
199. “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.” – Helen Keller
200. “Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.” – Jim Gaffigan
201. “A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.” –Emile Ganest
202. “You know you’re in India when you hear yourself telling your driver as he is backing up, “Careful, there is a cow behind you.” – Lydia Ramsey
203. “Travelling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying, ‘I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station. ” – Lisa St. Aubin de Teran
204. “It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.” – Douglas Adams
205. “Adventure, yeah. I guess that’s what you call it when everybody comes back alive.” – Mercedes Lackey
206. “Los Angeles is where you go when you want to be somebody. New York is where you go when you are somebody. Miami is where you go when you want to be somebody else.” – Billy Corben
207. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra
208. “Don’t worry about the world ending today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
209. “There is nothing safer than flying – it’s crashing that is dangerous.” – Theo Cowan
210. “The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.” – Rudyard Kipling
211. “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.” – Al Gore
212. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill
213. “When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.” – Clifton Fadiman
214. ” is the tiniest food I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get – chicken, steak, anything – has grill marks on each side, like somehow we’ll actually believe there’s an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.” – Ellen DeGeneres
215. “A good holiday is one that is spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.” – J.B. Priestley
216. “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin
217. “Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God.” – Kurt Vonnegut
218. “I kept my babies fed. I could have dumped them, but I didn’t. I decided that whatever trip I was on, they were going with me. You’re looking at a real daddy.” – Barry White
219. “People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.” – Dagobert D. Runes
220. “If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.” – James Michener
221. “I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags.” –Guy Clark
222. “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it’s lethal.” – Paulo Coelho
223. “You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.” – Paul Theroux
It’s not a matter of where, but when. Time is precious and my time spent living and experience the cultures of this world is what I lust for. This is why I created this website, to share true, genuine experiences and not just typical touristy info. Travel, the love of coffee, and food!
